Adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom...

Well it's been 6 months since I quit my job, and I am still trying to adjust. I never thought it would be this hard. I have been working since I was 16 years old, and well I never thought I would actually not have a "job". I have to give kudos to all the stay-at-home moms out there! This truly has been the toughest job I have had. I find that very interesting since I spent the lat 10 years in child abuse and the last 5 in supervision of child abuse investigators. No job could ever get harder than that, right? That's what I thought. Well I was wrong.

I joined 2 of what I thought were a support groups for mom's of multiples thinking this would help me transition. I thought being around other mothers in the same situation would help ease the pain of loosing my identity....and creating a new one. Man I was wrong again. One was so big, I was just intimidated. I only joined this group because on of my friends was a member and I thought we could go together. She never went and I never went back. I only made it to one meeting. The I met another twin mom at the girls daycare, and joined her group that was closer to home. I never felt as if they engaged me, and I tried to engage them. Apparetly I was unsuccessful. It almost feels like a competition, which only made me feel worse and second guess what I was doing. Please don't think I'm putting down these groups. They are very successful for thousands of families. They just weren't the answer I needed.

If it weren't for my few freind's, well I don't know what I would have done. Thank you Desiree for listening when I needed a friend, and helping me figure out what I'm doing.

I know some of you may be thinking I should know what to do since I have a 16 year old. Let me tell you, it's totally different. Since I worked in child abuse for so long, it really has put me on edge. You can't even imagine the things I saw and heard. It scares me to death now that I have not one, but two little ones. I trust very few people. When I had to put the girls in daycare, i thought I was going to loose it. I cried when Steve and I went looking, and their first day. That was short lived. They only lasted three months.

No one told me how hard it would be to raise twins. When you find out you are pregnant with twins you are just excited. We were so elated we were pregnant after so many years and all the attempts, that we would have been happy with any number of babies. Anyone who has gone through what we went through understands this. It wasn't until I got home with the babies that I totally freaked out. It didn't help that my hormones were completely out of whack! My friends who I talked to who had twins made it sound like a breeze. I realized I was depressed and this only made it worse. I felt inadequate as a mother, and like a failure. What else made it worse is the guilt I has since I was educated as a counselor. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I knew how to manage this, but it's different when it's yourself and not a client. Millions of people have twins ever day and they are able to manage. My sweet husband tried to reassure me. It didn't help anything since I didn't have any help or support. My family lives about 45 minutes away from us. I called my mother crying and begging her to come and help me. She did for a couple weeks, but she only stayed a few hours a day. Additionally she could only help by holding a baby while sitting down. She was afraid she would fall if she walked with them. I was grateful for what little help she did give me. After she left, I was on my own. Thankfully Steve's partners allowed him to take three weeks off instead of two. We are eternally grateful to them for that.

I am still trying to figure out what my purpose on this earth is now. I know it is caring for my family, who comes first. But what else is there for me? How can I make a difference now? I think this is going to be a process.

And one of my BIG baby...

Just beautiful! She's amazing. She really has turned out to be a great kid. A parent couldn't ask for more. I think her bio-dad is really wishing he had made different decisions when she was a baby. Look at what he is missing out on!! Steve has been such a great father to her. She considers him the only dad she has ever had, and in a way he is. He is so good with her and they have a great relationship. Two amazing people! Life couldn't be better.

Just another beautiful picture of the babies!

This is their nine month announcement! Isn't it cute? Thank you Taylor! I have the most fantastic photographer. No matter what, she always manages to turn out some beautiful pictures of the girls. I've already bought some stuff for their 1 year shots! More BIG bows...

We're 9 months old now!!!

We're 9 months!! Well actually 9 1/2 now. Here is our latest picture with big sis Miranda! How cute are we?? I really make pretty babies!! They are doing so well. Oli is over 16 lbs now and Isi is 14 1/2. She is still in the 1st percentile, but growing along her curve so doctors are not concerned (including Steve). =) Oli is in the 10-15th percentile and doing well. We have weaned both of them off the thickner. So happy! We have also weaned them off all medication except their prevacid. Oli is still on Zyrtec for her eczema. It's been bad since she is crawling around on the floors. Oli is on the move! Crawling everywhere and is keeping momma and big sis VERY busy!!

We have all been spending the summer together. Miranda's boyfriend Cristo has been in Greece all summer, so she has really been a BIG help. He's back now, so she wants to spend as much time with him as she can before school starts. Who can blame her! He's really a nice kid.

So yesterday, Oli was on the move. We went into their room to play and I was hanging clothes in their closet. I turn and looked at Oli and she had a bunch of slobber running down her chin. I knew something was not right so I took a peek to see what was in her mouth. Guess what it was?? The white plastic end off the door stop!!! I freaked out.....completely! I couldn't beleive it. We can't get her to put food in her mouth, but she certainly put the little white plastic thing in there. Scared me to death! So after lunch we came home and she managed to find another one and popped it in her mouth. TWICE in ONE day! So needless to say, there are no more white ends on the door stops.

We're finally eating in high chairs!

We are finally eating in our high chairs! Up until this point, we were eating in our bumbo seats, but got distracted by the dogs or Miranda or daddy. We would turn around and it was hard for mommy to feed us! We really love our new chairs and they are so cute. (Tori Spelling has the same high chair for Stella!)

It's been a while!

Well it's been a while since I've posted to the blog. Facebook has got me hooked! Here are pictures of the girls with their DOC bands. They have had them for nine weeks now, and they are talking about second bands for both. Steve is not so sure about that so we are going to a cranial surgeon for a second opinion. Wish us luck!

I have been very busy staying home with the girls. Lately, we have been busy going to visit Ashlyn at the hospital. For those of you who do not know, she is my friend Michelle's daughter. She is a very sweet little girl. She is 4 years old and full of life. Two weeks ago, she had the first of her two surgeries, and the last one this past Monday. She is doing well. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers.

I have also been spending time going to see my grandmother in rehab. She fell and broke her hip, so she is trying to get up enough strength to go home. She is very healthy, but a little confused. That is to be expected as she is almost 90 years old!

The girls take a lot of work and energy, but we try and get out a couple times a week. We love to go hang with our besties Des, Caroline and Owen. The mall is a nice retreat from the heat.

The girls are 9 months old now and Oli is crawling. It's official! She is getting around. This is very exciting except now I'll be chasing her around a little more. I don't mind.

Well better run for now. I will try and post some new pictures soon.

Well I did it. I finally quit my job! It's sad that it took my child not gaining weight for me to do it. It's amazing how caught up we get in our jobs that we do not realize how much it has taken over. Or at least that's how it was for me. For those of you who know about my job, you know how utterly overwhelming it was. Thank goodness that's over. As for Isi, she is doing much much better. However, as a parting gift from the daycare, she got a cold. Needless to say, Oli and I both caught it. What fun for our first week home together. Isi is now a 10 pounder!! woo who!! I was really worried about her. She is still not on the growth chart, but is height and weight proportionate. Dr. Kincaid is not worried about her yet. At their 4 month check up, they did really well. All looks good so far with the exception of their heads. They are a little misshappened. We are going for consults with cranial technologies this month. They both got shots, and I started crying. Isi didn't do well and screamed!! She also gagged on the oral med and threw it up. Oli did better with the shots, however, she didn't like the oral med either. Boy having both getting shots at the same time was challenging.

I will be posting new pictures soon. I have to get Steve to download them for me. It's like pulling teeth! :) We did have pictures made with Taylor @ Taylor Made Messages. She has put some on her blog if you'd like a preview. This was a much more pleasant experience from the last. The girls did much better, but still can't hold their heads up well while on their tummy. Maybe at 6 months. I can't wait to send out their pictures. Taylor is an amazing photographer! Let me know if you need one. She does great work and is very reasonable!

Better run. Need to get a few more things done before my sweeties wake up!

And who's this pretty girl

I know ya'll were wondering where my dog babies were.......

I couldn't leave Oli out

Well I can't talk about Isi and not Oli. Oli is doing a little better than Isi, but not much. She is 2lbs bigger, but thats not much since when they were born there was only 1 1/2lbs difference. Both girls are cooing A LOT and very happy despite being sick. Thank the lord for that! Who looks like their daddy?

Isi

Well I know I am blogging out of order, but most of ya'll know the story. I just wanted to update ya'll with how the girls are doing. We are a little worried about Isi at this time. I went back to work at the beginning of January and the girls went into daycare. Almost immediately, they both got sick. They both developed an ugly cough and congestion. I could hear this raspy noise in their throats. Luckily it was not RSV (or at least at the time we tested them) and they were both diagnosed with acute upper respiratory infections and ear infections. I know ya'll are all thinking that I'm lucky to have a doctor in the house. Well yes I am, but it can also be a curse. My girls are on so many meds! I think I'm descently smart, but there are so many meds I can't keep them all straight. I had to get Steve to write them all down. Anywho, we have been weighing both girls every week since they were born. Another thing one does when there is a doctor in the house. We have to go up to the clinic and weigh them every week. Both girls were gaining like crazy in the begining. Around the begining of the year, their weight gain slowed. Isi has been right at 8lbs. 15oz. - 9lbs for the last 5-6 weeks. She has never made it on the growth chart. Long story short, Isi hasn't gained weight since then. I know they have been sick, and some of this can be contributed to the illness. However, she should have gained something. Steve and I are very concerned. Steve is really taking it hard as he is a doctor and can't figure out what is wrong with his child or make her better. Oli weighs around 11lbs now and she actually lost weight last week. She is in the 10th percentile on the growth chart. Both sweeties are still sick, but I'm finally starting to see a little improvement. I took Isi back to Dr. Dave` (pediatric gastroinerologist) last week because she was smelling sour again and obviously not gaining weight. She is wonderful by the way! Dr. Dave` upped her prevacid dose and scheduled another assessment with Robin Elkin, OT. She is wonderful too! This will be the 2nd time we've seen Robin and she really helped us last time. This is when we put both girls on thickner (this is a tasteless gel that is mixed into their bottles). We go see Robin tomorrow. After the assessment, Dr. Dave` will decide if Isi needs an endoscopy (camera down the throat). Isi and Oli both have had upper GI's. Neither were concerning. Anyway that is kind of where we are at this point. I will keep you updated. I have begged Steve to download the cameras to the computer so I can share pics with you. We are having pictures next weekend, so hopefully I'll have some great pictures to share.