Caught!

Mommy said NO.......so she moved me away from the cords.
Maybe if I smile they will let me continue playing!


Uh oh! I'm caught. I can't help it. I love to play with the cords!

It hurts me more than it hurts you....

You know I used to think my parents were so mean and didn't know how much they were hurting me when I got a spanking. Then when I spanked Miranda for the first time, I knew exactly what they meant. I felt so bad, it hurt my soul. Needless to say, I didn't spank her much longer after that.

Well I think it's the same thing when your child is hurt. Last night Oli was crawling on the wood floor and fell flat on her face. I thought maybe she would have a bump on her forehead, but no. I picked her up and was consoling her when I noticed blood all over my shoulder. The poor thing was bleeding from her mouth. Of course I start freaking out and Steve runs into the house from the back yard. He takes a look and she tore her frenulem. I felt so bad, I can't even express it. She is all over the place and is real fast when crawling. I suppose her little hands were sweaty (like her daddy) and they just slipped out from under her.

This morning I wake up to Steve telling me she crawled up on a bin in her room and fell off, frightening her self. Thank goodness she wasn't hurt.

It totally rips my heart out when any of my children are hurt. i get upset when Miranda is upset by her friends. Ya know typical teenage stuff that we all went through. But I really get upset when the babies fall or bump their heads. I think I was less aware of what could happen when Miranda was a baby and didn't freak out. Not so much with the twins. I completely freak out now. Poor babies having to put up with that!

What a night!

Well I'm not sure where to begin. I'm so sleepy that I really cannot collect my thoughts. I'll give it my best shot. Remember recently talking about schedules?? Well last night is a prime example of why they are so hard. Both girls went down about 7:30-8. Isi was up 9, 10, 11, 12, and 1am. Steve was up with her every time and at 1:00 I got up because Isi had woke Oli up. They were both crying. This is why we cannot do the "let them cry" thing everyone talks about. So I got Isi and gave her symax and put her in bed with me. I am a VERY light sleeper so I was up every 30 minutes to hour checking on her and making sure I didn't roll over on her. I know she shouldn't be in bed with me, but at 1 O'clock in the morning, you're desperate. She finally fell asleep but was back up at 4:30. I put her back in her bed thinking she would just play in there for a while. Steve was asleep on the floor in their room. When Isi spotted him trying to leave the room about 5:30, she let out a scream. She was up for the day!

Needless to say, Steve and I are wiped out! Last night was a rare occurence, but Isi is getting up at least once in the night. We assume it's because she is needing the calories. She is only drinking about 14-16 ounces of formula a day. This is so not enough. The books say 24-32 ounces a day. So we have taken her back to the gastroenterologist. She thinks we may have to scope (upper GI) her to figure out what is wrong. But first we are going to try upping her dose of prevacid. We have already tried putting her back on 30 calorie formula and thickner. I hate it but I want her to feel and eat better.

I am nervous about the scope because she will be sedated. It's not good for adults, much less a tiny little infant! Stay tuned.

Schedule. What is that?

Everyone talks about a schedule. Make sure you get your babies on a schedule. Stay on a schedule. These are the things I heard once the babies were born. And let me tell you, it's one thing I cannot accomplish. This is very annoying to me as I am a perfectionist and have always accomplished every goal I set. It's like I said before, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. My oldest child was a breeze. I don't remember having the issues with her that I have with the twins. From the day we came home from the hospital, I have tried to get them on a schedule. It is so hard. And I really can't stand people who make it sound so easy.

It's kind of a double edge sword. I need to get out of the house to remain sane, but I need to stay home to keep the babies on their schedule. When I have to take them to a doctor's appointment or Miranda to something, the whole schedule thing gets thrown out the window. And trying to get them back on "the" schedule is difficult.

I don't know about you, but my twins wake up at different times every day. It ranges from 4am to 6:30am. My loving husband is sweet enough to get up with them in the morning. He feeds them and changes them. Then he let's them play. I feed them breakfast, depending on when they ate their bottles, around 8:30-9:00. After breakfast, I try and lay them down for a nap. Most of the time, they play in their crib before they fall asleep. At the current time, Oli is doing much better at falling asleep at nap time. Isi, not so much. She is needing to be rocked to sleep. I'd rather rock them than listen to the scream. I know this is not the thing to do, but what do you do?? So they wake up from this nap to eat another bottle. They play for several hours and have lunch. After lunch, they play more. Around 3:00 we have another bottle and then if we're lucky, another nap. They wake up about an hour and a half later. Play...play..play and it's dinner time! We have dinner and get cleaned up. Then it's play time again. It's about 6pm now. Steve and I finally have time to fix our dinner and hopefully eat before the girls get grumpy and start crying. After our dinner, it's bath time. We bathe them and give them their last bottle for the night. Well except Isi. She'll be up again in a few hours for another bottle. Finally the day is over and we put them down for the night. This is in a perfect world!! I wish it were this easy.

I'm hoping by their 1st birthday they will have an easier time going to bed AND sleeping through the night! Wish me luck!

Ten months.......movin' and shakin'

We're ten months old now and crawling all over the place. It's hard for mom to keep up with us and when our big sister goes back to school, she's in for it! It won't be long before I'm (Oli) walking. I'm pulling up on any and every thing. My lil' sis is right behind me! She's getting around pretty good too. It took her a little longer but she's got the hang of it now.

In a couple of weeks, we get to stop wearing our DOC bands. Woo who!!! Those things are kind of bothersome and we get really hot in them. Mom and Dad are very happy with the progress we've made wearing them. The DOC band people want us to get a second band, but our daddy doesn't think we need it. And he's the doctor!

It's only two months until our first birthday. Mom is already making BIG plans. We are excited to get to eat Sprinkles cupcakes for the special day. Stay tuned for more info about the party.

Well we'd better go. More fun to be had!

Love,
Oli

Adjusting to being a stay-at-home mom...

Well it's been 6 months since I quit my job, and I am still trying to adjust. I never thought it would be this hard. I have been working since I was 16 years old, and well I never thought I would actually not have a "job". I have to give kudos to all the stay-at-home moms out there! This truly has been the toughest job I have had. I find that very interesting since I spent the lat 10 years in child abuse and the last 5 in supervision of child abuse investigators. No job could ever get harder than that, right? That's what I thought. Well I was wrong.

I joined 2 of what I thought were a support groups for mom's of multiples thinking this would help me transition. I thought being around other mothers in the same situation would help ease the pain of loosing my identity....and creating a new one. Man I was wrong again. One was so big, I was just intimidated. I only joined this group because on of my friends was a member and I thought we could go together. She never went and I never went back. I only made it to one meeting. The I met another twin mom at the girls daycare, and joined her group that was closer to home. I never felt as if they engaged me, and I tried to engage them. Apparetly I was unsuccessful. It almost feels like a competition, which only made me feel worse and second guess what I was doing. Please don't think I'm putting down these groups. They are very successful for thousands of families. They just weren't the answer I needed.

If it weren't for my few freind's, well I don't know what I would have done. Thank you Desiree for listening when I needed a friend, and helping me figure out what I'm doing.

I know some of you may be thinking I should know what to do since I have a 16 year old. Let me tell you, it's totally different. Since I worked in child abuse for so long, it really has put me on edge. You can't even imagine the things I saw and heard. It scares me to death now that I have not one, but two little ones. I trust very few people. When I had to put the girls in daycare, i thought I was going to loose it. I cried when Steve and I went looking, and their first day. That was short lived. They only lasted three months.

No one told me how hard it would be to raise twins. When you find out you are pregnant with twins you are just excited. We were so elated we were pregnant after so many years and all the attempts, that we would have been happy with any number of babies. Anyone who has gone through what we went through understands this. It wasn't until I got home with the babies that I totally freaked out. It didn't help that my hormones were completely out of whack! My friends who I talked to who had twins made it sound like a breeze. I realized I was depressed and this only made it worse. I felt inadequate as a mother, and like a failure. What else made it worse is the guilt I has since I was educated as a counselor. I shouldn't be feeling this way. I knew how to manage this, but it's different when it's yourself and not a client. Millions of people have twins ever day and they are able to manage. My sweet husband tried to reassure me. It didn't help anything since I didn't have any help or support. My family lives about 45 minutes away from us. I called my mother crying and begging her to come and help me. She did for a couple weeks, but she only stayed a few hours a day. Additionally she could only help by holding a baby while sitting down. She was afraid she would fall if she walked with them. I was grateful for what little help she did give me. After she left, I was on my own. Thankfully Steve's partners allowed him to take three weeks off instead of two. We are eternally grateful to them for that.

I am still trying to figure out what my purpose on this earth is now. I know it is caring for my family, who comes first. But what else is there for me? How can I make a difference now? I think this is going to be a process.

And one of my BIG baby...

Just beautiful! She's amazing. She really has turned out to be a great kid. A parent couldn't ask for more. I think her bio-dad is really wishing he had made different decisions when she was a baby. Look at what he is missing out on!! Steve has been such a great father to her. She considers him the only dad she has ever had, and in a way he is. He is so good with her and they have a great relationship. Two amazing people! Life couldn't be better.

Just another beautiful picture of the babies!

This is their nine month announcement! Isn't it cute? Thank you Taylor! I have the most fantastic photographer. No matter what, she always manages to turn out some beautiful pictures of the girls. I've already bought some stuff for their 1 year shots! More BIG bows...

We're 9 months old now!!!

We're 9 months!! Well actually 9 1/2 now. Here is our latest picture with big sis Miranda! How cute are we?? I really make pretty babies!! They are doing so well. Oli is over 16 lbs now and Isi is 14 1/2. She is still in the 1st percentile, but growing along her curve so doctors are not concerned (including Steve). =) Oli is in the 10-15th percentile and doing well. We have weaned both of them off the thickner. So happy! We have also weaned them off all medication except their prevacid. Oli is still on Zyrtec for her eczema. It's been bad since she is crawling around on the floors. Oli is on the move! Crawling everywhere and is keeping momma and big sis VERY busy!!

We have all been spending the summer together. Miranda's boyfriend Cristo has been in Greece all summer, so she has really been a BIG help. He's back now, so she wants to spend as much time with him as she can before school starts. Who can blame her! He's really a nice kid.

So yesterday, Oli was on the move. We went into their room to play and I was hanging clothes in their closet. I turn and looked at Oli and she had a bunch of slobber running down her chin. I knew something was not right so I took a peek to see what was in her mouth. Guess what it was?? The white plastic end off the door stop!!! I freaked out.....completely! I couldn't beleive it. We can't get her to put food in her mouth, but she certainly put the little white plastic thing in there. Scared me to death! So after lunch we came home and she managed to find another one and popped it in her mouth. TWICE in ONE day! So needless to say, there are no more white ends on the door stops.